A Mothers Anthem

I am the mother of a diabetic child. I don’t know what it’s like to go to sleep at night and know for certain my child will wake up in the morning. I don’t know what it’s like to sleep the whole night through without waking up to do blood tests on my sleeping child. I don’t know what it’s like to prepare a meal without a calculator, measuring cups, and a gram scale. I don’t know ...what it’s like to drop my child off at school and know he will always be in the care of someone who knows how to take care of him. I do know what it’s like to force feed sugar in the middle of the night knowing I am sacrificing my child’s teeth to save his life. I do know what it’s like to draw up insulin at 2 am and pray to God I’m not too sleepy to make a fatal error in judgment, technique or calculation. I do know what it’s like to sit underneath the dining room table holding my sobbing child, explaining to him, “No, we can’t take a break just this one time.”while I inject insulin into his already bruised arm. I do know what it’s like to walk away from the pharmacy counter with an armload of supplies and realize I’ve just gone through another box of 200 syringes. I do know what it’s like to help my child march bravely past the juice and cookies at the school reception that was supposed to be his reward for achieving Student of the Month. I do know what it’s like to look into my child’s eyes and tell him he has an incurable disease and explain to him what that means, And then to be comforted by him when I’m the one who can’t stop sobbing. I do know what it’s like to love and cherish my child every minute of every day, to know that I may someday donate a kidney to him, and that if he were in need of a heart, mine would be out of the question, because it broke a long time ago.I am the mother of a diabetic child. Author: Unknown

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Death of a Pancreas....Part 2

March 21st, 2012

....I feel every ounce of my blood go cold, my knees feel like jelly, my head starts spinning, my heart is racing, panic is comsuming me. Here I stand, with my 9 year old child, alone, in his Drs office, hearing these most horrific words. Again, "I belive you have Diabetes". What? Excuse me? What? What do you mean diabetes? Diabetes? I dont understand. What do you mean Diabetes? How in the hell does he have Diabetes? Are you sure? You must surely be mistaken? You have my kid pee in a cup and you poke his finger and come back 1 minute later and tell me my kid has some disease. How dare you. You idiot. Your wrong. What the hell is Diabetes anyways?
I stand there staring at this man that I have trusted with my son for 9 years wanting to scream at him how wrong he was. Im scared. Im standing there alone with my baby, clutching him as this man is telling me that my life, my heart, my baby has some disease. Sit, I must sit, if I dont sit Im going to fall on this ground in front of my son. Dont panic Christine, dont panic, keep it together, dont scare Michael anymore than he already is. Sit, sit down or your going to fall. Chair, where's the chairs, I cant figure out where the chairs are. My head is spinning, I dont know what to do other than find a damn chair that is directly behind me. Sit, okay, we are sitting. I have my son on my lap, and Iam glaring at this evil man who clearly is wrong.
Okay, get it together girl, breath, take a breath and start speaking. Inhale, exhale. Okay, now, Dr. Cannon, what do you mean he has diabetes? How do you know? Are you sure? Dr. Cannon looks at me, with eyes so sympathetic, Christine, I cant say 100% but I can tell you this, you need to prepare yourself as I am 99% certain that I am right. However, I am not an Endocronologist but Iam going to go to my office and make a call and I will be right back, okay? Okay? Your asking me, okay? No, its not okay, dont you dare leave me alone in this room. Are you kidding me? Okay? No, Im not okay. This is not okay.
Dr. Cannon leaves the room and I am left sitting there with my beautiful son, alone. Looking at these blue walls with baseball bat borders. My son, turns to me and says "am I going to be okay mommy?" Of course your going to be okay sweetie, your going to be just fine. "what is Diabetes mommy?" Honey, Im not really quite sure myself but from what I know, it can be treated with exercise and diet. "Shows you how much I know about diabetes at this point". I know in my head that Diabetes is bad, I just dont know really what it exactly is. So I sit in this room for what seems like an eternity for the evil Dr to come back with my son's fate.
Dr. Cannon enters the room and says to me, "okay, well Ive called an Endocronolgist that I know and we are getting Michael in to see him first thing in the morning." The Endo will be able to confirm if Michael is for certain Diabetic. But Christine, you need to prepare yourself as Iam 99% certain, his test results from his urine and blood confirm that he is Diabetic. Now, I talked with the Endo and we do not feel that we need to admit Michael to the hospital. HOSPITAL, what the hell do you mean hospital. Nobody mentioned anything about hospital.
I know my baby and I sat in this room with his Dr for at least another 30 minutes, listening to all he had to say. However, not a word I remember other than "Christine, I need you to promise me something" Whats that Dr Cannon? "when you go home, please, stay off your computer and dont go on the internet. Can you promise me that? Ummm, ya, I guess, why? "Just please, trust me, go home, do your every day stuff, get some rest, and get to the Endo in the morning and I want you to promise to call me after his appt okay? Okay, Dr. Cannon I promise. No computer, no internet. Got it.
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