A Mothers Anthem

I am the mother of a diabetic child. I don’t know what it’s like to go to sleep at night and know for certain my child will wake up in the morning. I don’t know what it’s like to sleep the whole night through without waking up to do blood tests on my sleeping child. I don’t know what it’s like to prepare a meal without a calculator, measuring cups, and a gram scale. I don’t know ...what it’s like to drop my child off at school and know he will always be in the care of someone who knows how to take care of him. I do know what it’s like to force feed sugar in the middle of the night knowing I am sacrificing my child’s teeth to save his life. I do know what it’s like to draw up insulin at 2 am and pray to God I’m not too sleepy to make a fatal error in judgment, technique or calculation. I do know what it’s like to sit underneath the dining room table holding my sobbing child, explaining to him, “No, we can’t take a break just this one time.”while I inject insulin into his already bruised arm. I do know what it’s like to walk away from the pharmacy counter with an armload of supplies and realize I’ve just gone through another box of 200 syringes. I do know what it’s like to help my child march bravely past the juice and cookies at the school reception that was supposed to be his reward for achieving Student of the Month. I do know what it’s like to look into my child’s eyes and tell him he has an incurable disease and explain to him what that means, And then to be comforted by him when I’m the one who can’t stop sobbing. I do know what it’s like to love and cherish my child every minute of every day, to know that I may someday donate a kidney to him, and that if he were in need of a heart, mine would be out of the question, because it broke a long time ago.I am the mother of a diabetic child. Author: Unknown

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Death of a pancreas.....part 3

March 21st, 2012

.......I sit there still, in this room with blue walls and baseball bat borders, with my beautiful perfect son, frozen, on this chair, that I so desperately searched for. Dr. Cannon has left the room. My head is spinning, my heart is racing, my whole body is trembling and Im holding onto my perfect child for dear life and Im trying with all my might to keep swallowing as I know if I dont,  I will surly vomit all over this floor. I sat there with my son for only God knows how long talking to my son, trying to answer his questions and keep him from being scared. I couldn't stand up just yet as I knew if I did, my legs would give out.
Robert, yes, Robert, we have to call Michael's dad. Phone, get your phone Christine, grab your purse and find your phone. With my son sitting next to me in this room of blue walls, I find my phone. My hands are trembling. Stop it damn it, stop shaking, text your sons dad. Okay, here we go. Robert, I am at the Drs office with Michael, he thinks Michael has Diabetes. "what? your kidding me right?" No, Im not kidding, we have an appt tomorrow with an Endocronologist, can you come? Can you call me? Something, something something. what a way to tell the father of your child that his baby, has Diabetes.
I somehow manage to pull myself together, reassure my perfect that he is going to be just fine, when in my heart and brain, I had no idea if he truly was as I myself didn't truly understand what Diabetes was. Didn't even know at that moment that there was 2 types of diabetes.
So anyway, I manage to stand up, gather our stuff, and put one foot in front of the other. I look down at my child, who now, looks so little to me. In just the 6 weeks that we had last seen the Dr. my son had lost 13 pounds. Why didn't I do something sooner, how did I not know? You idiot, you should have known something was seriously wrong. Your his mother, your supposed to know these things. Why did you wait so long to bring him to the Doctor again? Your a woman, a mother, its your job to know and you failed.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)