A Mothers Anthem

I am the mother of a diabetic child. I don’t know what it’s like to go to sleep at night and know for certain my child will wake up in the morning. I don’t know what it’s like to sleep the whole night through without waking up to do blood tests on my sleeping child. I don’t know what it’s like to prepare a meal without a calculator, measuring cups, and a gram scale. I don’t know ...what it’s like to drop my child off at school and know he will always be in the care of someone who knows how to take care of him. I do know what it’s like to force feed sugar in the middle of the night knowing I am sacrificing my child’s teeth to save his life. I do know what it’s like to draw up insulin at 2 am and pray to God I’m not too sleepy to make a fatal error in judgment, technique or calculation. I do know what it’s like to sit underneath the dining room table holding my sobbing child, explaining to him, “No, we can’t take a break just this one time.”while I inject insulin into his already bruised arm. I do know what it’s like to walk away from the pharmacy counter with an armload of supplies and realize I’ve just gone through another box of 200 syringes. I do know what it’s like to help my child march bravely past the juice and cookies at the school reception that was supposed to be his reward for achieving Student of the Month. I do know what it’s like to look into my child’s eyes and tell him he has an incurable disease and explain to him what that means, And then to be comforted by him when I’m the one who can’t stop sobbing. I do know what it’s like to love and cherish my child every minute of every day, to know that I may someday donate a kidney to him, and that if he were in need of a heart, mine would be out of the question, because it broke a long time ago.I am the mother of a diabetic child. Author: Unknown

Sunday, March 17, 2013

A free day.....


March 17th, 2013

I started blogging 2 weeks ago and my first 5 blogs took me through the first 24 hours of T1D. The words just flowed from me like water from a faucet about those first 24 hours. I have tried numerous times to continue to blog but now the words are frozen, frozen inside me like the fears I have of this horrible disease. I have so many thoughts that run through my mind at all hours of the day and night, but it seems they run so fast, that I can’t even keep up with them myself.

Yesterday was probably one of the best days we have had in a long time. We got up, ate breakfast then started to attack the back yard. We live in Arizona and have had a lot of rain lately (yep, it actually rains from time to time), and now with the warm weather coming in, the weeds are taking over. The back yard was knee deep in weeds. So my son and I set out on a mission. We pulled weeds, used the hula hoe, trimmed the grapefruit, then we saw them…about 5 grapefruits still left towards the top of the tree. So there I go, trying to climb this tree to get the grapefruit…there stands my 10 year old boy in awe. My mom..she can climb a tree! Yes, son, mommy can do lots of things! J Then, my son wants a stab at it…up he goes, up this tree, his knees knockin just  a bit, but he did it, a little anyway. It’s a small tree, but enough for him to climb a bit. So down he climbs with no grapefruit. Hmmm…up he goes again, determined to get this grapefruit, a little further he stretches he arm up and he has it! Joy, joy over getting a grapefruit! He climbs down and was thrilled! He continued playing in the tree for a bit, all the while Im standing there “just in case”. Not standing “just in case” because a fear of going low, but standing “just in case” he fell out of the tree. I believe for those 30 minutes neither one of us remembered “D”. “D” had disappeared for awhile, and it was the best 30 minutes in a long time.

For the next 2 hours, I pulled weeds, and started to use the blower to blow out all the leaves. My son, my 10 year old son, now in awe of this power tool! A typical boy…MOM, CAN I USE THAT? Oh why not, here, have at it. Just blow all the leaves out of the rocks and onto the lawn. So there he goes, my little man, power blower in hand, having a blast! He soon tires of the blower and switches to the hose! I continued yard work while I watched my son play in the hose. Squirting the sky, watering the walls, squirting the dirt to make mud, laughing, spinning, running, forgetting…forgetting “D”. I stood and watched this beautiful time as “D” was not in the picture. It was just me, my son, the warm sun and a hose, not a care in the world.

The yard work got finished, and when it did it was play time! My son always knows when the yard work is finished, its time to soak mom with the hose. Of course this has always been his favorite part of the work! So there he is, hose in hand, spraying me, giggling, running, smiling…forgetting. There was so much mud created from all the water that we then just squished our toes in the mud, splashed the mud around, then got the ole football out and continued to play a little bit of football.

It was a perfect day, a happy day, a day like before. We are just 4 days shy of his 1 year diagnosis and I believe that we are now getting over that “shock and awe” just a little bit, and can see life peaking back in. Don’t get me wrong, we having been living life throughout this past year, he’s been going to school, going to Jump Street, having friends come over, going to his soccer games and such. But it seems like “D” was always lurking there in the frontal lobe of the brain. Today, it wasn’t, today was a glimpse of what the rest of his life is going to be. Happy, giggling, running, jumping, playing and being FREE. Free not to worry all the time. “D”for now,  is always going to be here, but we are dealing with it, conquering it, and beating it. Not to mean we have found a cure, but meant that we have beat it in the fact that it cant consume life anymore. It has sucked enough out of him, out of me, out of life, and now, “D”, can suck it, we are getting our life back.
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2 comments:

  1. Chiqui RaveloskiMarch 18, 2013 at 2:47 AM

    Having lived with diabetes for 40+ years, I do share yours and your son's sentiments. You do have to continue living. That is living with a different lifestyle, yet, continuing to enjoy the simple pleasures in life....being together through it all. Have fun and keep up the good work. It can be done.

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  2. BellaMarch 19, 2013 at 12:38 AM

    Thank you for your kind words. It has been hard at times but seems we are pulling it together. I cherish these times and look forward to all the new blessings that are coming his way. Thanks!

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